I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
