this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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