My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pants are for mortals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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