We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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