i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
