I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
