don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
