I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I look better un-naked...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
