Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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