We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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