I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
