you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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