You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
