____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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