just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
