My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
