that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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