I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
