Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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