I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
