Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
