We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
