U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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