Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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