You made me cry and you don't even care
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
