My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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