He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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