it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
