If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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