so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
