obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Congratulations! We have a period
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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