so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ttyl tear gas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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