I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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