just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
