He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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