NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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