I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
