I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize