Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
