You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
