For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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