this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
