Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.