You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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