I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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