I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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