Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

(314): View more from Missouri

you can't hurt those

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(248): View more from Michigan

I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

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(254): View more from Texas

I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.

(254): View more from Texas

He's majoring in Religion

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(443): View more from Maryland

Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

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(646): View more from New York

How was the rest of your night?

(917): View more from New York City

A little fuzzy and a lot naked.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America

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(318): View more from Louisiana

We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?

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