Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize