mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.