My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
