Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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