Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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