Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
