i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
