It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
