Why are handjobs necessary in class?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
