WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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