So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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