She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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