Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
