There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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