you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
