I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize