it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am one with the molecules
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
