i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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