see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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