everyone is single if you try hard enough
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
