My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
