Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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