hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
