Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
