I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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