why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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