You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
