just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
